


chasing histories

by lavinol



Series: Still Suspicion [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Fights, M/M, Stupid Ex, Unnecessary Drama Llama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5548982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavinol/pseuds/lavinol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>This place no longer felt like home because the person who made him think of home was not here with him.</i>
</p><p>Daniel had everything until it all crashed down on him. He wants to make things right with Olivier but maybe this is too much for them to overcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	chasing histories

**Author's Note:**

> This is very angsty and emo and I made Debuchy a villain. Sorry Debuchy!

 

 

_i was the storm before the calm_  
_the hopeless hanging on_  
_the words that came out wrong_  
_but you heard me all along_

 

 

 

 

**1.**

"It's seven."

"What about seven?"

Daniel laughed. "Seven o'clock, silly. I have to get to work." He tried to extricate himself from the tangle of limbs making up Olivier, who was lying partly on him like a very large, warm blanket, his arm draped across Daniel's abs.

"So? You have your stuff here." Olivier mumbled into his pillow, not moving despite Daniel's efforts. Daniel was pretty sure his sleepyhead boyfriend was purposely making himself heavy, and he didn't know whether to smack him or kiss him.

"I have to pick up some things back in my place." He nudged Olivier. 

In response Olivier moved his hand downwards, his fingers tracing circles on Daniel's bare hip, sending goosebumps up Daniel's body. Olivier's touch was stirring him again, even though they were both horny when they woke up which meant he already came once this morning, and made sure Olivier did too. But as much as he wanted to stay in bed for a repeat performance, he couldn't. Daniel shifted away with some difficulty, his body responding to Olivier against his wishes.

"You have to go to work too, you know."

"We have time." Olivier's hand was moving dangerously low now. 

"Quit that. I gotta go!"

Ignoring Olivier's mumblings of protests, Daniel managed to free himself and shuffled to where his clothes were chucked on the floor. 

"You should just move in here." Olivier lifted his head, opening an eye to squint at Daniel.

Surprised, Daniel laughed a little, pulling on his jeans. "What?"

"Move in with me. I've been thinking about it. Only if you want to, of course." Olivier planted his face back onto the pillow. "I'm not going to force you."

Daniel considered Olivier's proposal as he threw on his shirt. Well, it was like a proposal, wasn't it? Moving in together was a huge commitment. They'd been together for almost a year now, and truthfully he’d been spending a lot of that year at Olivier's place. But he'd always thought that he'd be the one who'd propose taking the next big step in their relationship.

He wasn't sure if Olivier was offering because he really wanted to, or because he thought it was what Daniel wanted. He had never even mentioned the topic of moving in. That Olivier himself brought up the subject was actually amazing seeing as he couldn't even make himself ask Daniel to stay over when they first started going out. It took him some time to really be comfortable with sharing his place - and his life - with Daniel. All things considered, Olivier taking this step forward in their relationship was wonderful.

But Daniel figured he'd let the matter lie for now and discuss it again with Olivier when they were both more awake. "I'll think about it."

"No pressure."

Once he was dressed, he planted a kiss on Olivier's forehead and gave a pat on his pretty bum. Olivier's sleepy laughter echoed behind him as he left the room. Daniel smiled, loving how happy Olivier sounded and how happy he felt inside. In a way it scared him a little. But if being scared of too much happiness was the worst thing he could complain about, he would willingly accept that.

 

 

 

 

**2.**

When he was told that they were “very sorry” but they “no longer require his services” because of “cutbacks” and “costs” and _bullshit_ , he thought that the universe finally made sense, because of course this was his punishment for being too happy.

"This fucking blows," Martin said as he and Daniel sat in their regular haunt, downing drinks in commiseration. The bar was half-empty – it was a Wednesday afternoon – and the atmosphere of the place seemed despondent. Matched their mood, Daniel thought, sourly.

"Yeah."

"You'll get another job though. You're really good, they'll all want you."

Daniel scoffed. "Really good that I can't even keep my own job."

"Well, at least you have more experience." Martin sighed. "I hate that I have to go through all that shit again. Writing resumes. Going to interviews. I'm never good at them."

"You'll be fine." Daniel said with conviction. In fact, he really believed that Martin would be fine. It was he himself that he wasn't so sure about.

"Will you tell Olivier? I don't know how I'm going to tell Claire. She'll be devastated, probably." Martin sighed again.

Daniel fiddled with his glass. "Maybe not immediately."

"Do you think news will travel?"

"I guess if he hears the news from someone else I can't do anything about that."

At least his employer's, sorry, _former_ employer's contract with Olivier's company ended a while ago. Lukas might get wind of the news but these days news of people being laid off was unfortunately all too common. Him and Martin were part of 30 people being let go, which was hardly worth a glance when compared to the hundreds, even thousands of lay-offs in other companies.

Didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell though.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then Martin said, "You know what, I'm going to go ahead and tell Claire today. It's like pulling off a band-aid, right? The quicker the better."

"Good for you."

"You seriously not telling Olivier?"

"I don't know, Martin, okay? I haven't decided yet." Daniel replied impatiently. "Maybe I'll tell him once I get another job lined up, I don't know."

Martin gave him a look. "He won't judge, you know."

As always Martin knew exactly what was in Daniel's mind, much to Daniel's annoyance. The worst part was, he didn't know if what Martin said was true. Of course he knew by now that Olivier didn't care that his job was nowhere near Olivier's status but he still couldn't help but feel like a failure for losing his job.

He needed some time to think.

 

 

 

 

**3.**

That time ended up being longer than he expected. He told himself that he would tell Olivier, yes, today, but whenever he faced Olivier he couldn't make himself confess. And then he promised himself that he would tell Olivier once he had found a new job, but that was taking even longer. A month later, even Martin had a job lined up, but he was not getting any luck. He even offered to take jobs which he was obviously overqualified for, but they weren't having it.

He tried to keep up his appearances, leaving early, pretending to go to work when he actually left to go to coffee shops, scanning through job ads in the newspaper and online, or attending the rare interview. At the same time, Olivier was caught up at work as his firm were closing in a few major business deals so they weren't spending as much time together. Of course he had all the free time in the world, being an unemployed loser, but Olivier didn't know that and assumed he was as busy as he was. Whenever Olivier talked excitedly about his business, Daniel felt little stabs in his chest, a defeated feeling enveloping him like red hot coal.

He hated lying to Olivier, but the longer he kept up the lie, the harder it was to come clean.

When Olivier announced that he would be going to Newcastle for two weeks on a work trip, Daniel felt relief coursing through his veins. It meant he could stop putting on an act while Olivier was not in town. Then immediately he felt ashamed at his relief. The fact that he was actually happy that the love of his life would be away, didn't that mean something was _wrong_ with him?

"Is it just me or is it cold in here?"

Daniel shook away his thoughts and brought his attention back to earth, to where he was lying on the bed, Olivier next to him.

"Cold?"

"Yes. Cold."

"It feels okay to me. Do you want to switch off the fan?"

Olivier raised his eyebrows. "I wasn't talking about the room temperature."

It took a second for the penny to drop before Daniel realised that Olivier was talking about him. It was their last night together before Olivier left for his trip and they were supposed to be getting frisky, but they were both still fully clothed and nothing was happening other than some light kissing. Which was his fault. He was distracted, and it hadn't escaped Olivier's notice.

Daniel moved closer to Olivier and forced a smile on his face. "Sorry. I was just going over some stuff in my head. Don't stop what you're doing."

Olivier propped his head on his hand. "What stuff?"

"Just... work stuff."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Daniel shook his head, a sinking feeling in his stomach, something of a mainstay these days whenever he had to lie to Olivier.

"Nah. Not important." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Olivier's. "Wanna warm me up again?"

Olivier's expression suggested that he was not convinced. "If it's important, you'll tell me, right?"

"Of course."

“Promise me, Daniel?”

“I promise.”

 _Liar_ , Daniel's conscience screamed at him. He silenced it and Olivier's still questioning gaze by resuming their kissing, giving himself fully to his boyfriend and ignoring the turmoil that was in his mind, and in his heart.

If he could hold on for just a while longer, he told himself, everything will be okay.

 

 

 

 

**4.**

He had their anniversary gift sorted out a few days after Olivier left for his work trip. He was thrilled whenever he thought about how Olivier would react to it. He had finally decided that he will come clean on their anniversary because he figured Olivier couldn't be angry with him on that day. He also had two callbacks on two different job interviews so he was finally feeling positive about his situation, and was looking forward to Olivier's return.

A couple of days before Olivier came back, Daniel sat with his laptop at home reading the news and clicking through websites for job updates. As he checked out the latest London business news, he saw Olivier's company's name in the headlines. He clicked on the link, smiling, thinking that he should email the article to Olivier because what great exposure this was for his company and how proud he would feel.

The picture accompanying the article showed Olivier standing in what appeared to be a nice ballroom, apparently in conversation with Per, Lukas... and Mathieu. Olivier's ex.

Daniel studied the picture, heart racing. Olivier was smiling in it - unsurprising, considering Lukas was laughing in the picture, probably taken just seconds after he told a joke - and Mathieu was gazing at Olivier with interest.

_Fuck this._

Daniel slammed shut his laptop, dark thoughts running through his mind.

Yes, he was jealous. Yes, he was also angry. Because when Olivier called him from Newcastle every night, not once had he mentioned that Mathieu was there. Even if he didn't have any feelings for Mathieu anymore, shouldn't he have told Daniel anyway? Daniel would have, if he ended up working with one of his exes. Especially if it was someone who had been as serious with him as Mathieu had been with Olivier.

Unless he was wrong and Olivier still had feelings for Mathieu.

He wanted to pick up the phone and call Olivier to demand an answer right away yet somehow the calmer side of him won and he stayed put. He knew there was no reason for him to lose his temper over what was probably nothing. When Olivier returned, he would just ask him and Olivier would have a perfectly good explanation.

But he still couldn't help feeling as if he was standing on shaky ground that was threatening to split apart and swallow him whole.

 

 

 

 

**5.**

When Olivier first saw Mathieu at the conference, he was pretty annoyed. He said a few choice words to Per and Lukas, but they both told him that they didn’t know Mathieu’s company would be sending him as their representative. So Olivier had no choice but to be professional about it.

Despite Olivier's initial apprehension, he was able to keep his cool and act normal around Mathieu. He realised that it was because he no longer felt anything for him. Mathieu appeared to feel the same and they managed to keep their discussions civil whenever they bump into each other.

He debated telling Daniel about Mathieu, but he figured that it could wait until he came back. No point in upsetting Daniel unnecessarily when there was nothing to be upset about.

Especially with the way Daniel had been distant with him lately. Even their phone calls had been almost strained.

_“So what were you up to today?”_

_“Um, you know. The usual. Babysitting Martin.” Daniel laughed a little._

_Olivier gave a low chuckle, pretending he didn't hear how forced Daniel sounded. “Tell him to behave or I will come and find him myself.”_

_“And what are you going to do all the way from Newcastle, mister?”_

_“Oh, I have my ways. I'm very influential, you know. I won the Twitter Hot Boss Competition last year, which according to my assistant is a very prestigious title.”_

_This time, Daniel's laugh sounded more genuine. “I'll be sure to thank Jack for that.”_

There were times when Daniel acted as if he was in another place when they spent time together. He’d stare off into the distance and Olivier had to repeat himself because Daniel would interrupt and ask him what he just said, which obviously bothered Olivier. A lot. He wondered if Daniel was seeing someone else, but he quickly brushed that thought away. Daniel wouldn't do that to him.

He wanted to ask Daniel to move in with him again, but he didn't want to be pushy. He also knew that he had been working like crazy and when he went home he would just fall in bed with Daniel, conversations pushed aside. He felt bad about it though, and he vowed to do better when he came back from the conference. He decided that both of them were due for a long, honest conversation with each other.

He really hoped they wouldn't fight, though. He didn't like the idea of it.

 

 

 

 

**6.**

On the final day of the conference, Mathieu asked Olivier if he wanted to get some drinks. Olivier hesitated at first but thought it would be rude to say no, especially now that they have buried the hatch.

They sat at a table at the hotel bar and talked about work. It was perfectly normal and Olivier felt good about it. His hangups about this ex of his had gone and he could see them having a professional relationship in the future. He was about to call it a night when he felt Mathieu's knee bumping against his under the table.

"You know, Olivier..."

Suddenly Olivier knew what was happening and a chill ran up his spine. He could see Mathieu's intention, as clear as day.

He didn't want any part of it.

"Wait -"

But Mathieu had said it. "I missed you. I want you back.”

There was a beat as they both paused, Olivier horrified, while Mathieu had the decency to look sorry.

A couple of years ago he would've killed to hear Mathieu say this. He would've killed for Mathieu to look at him the way he was looking at him now, with humility and desire in his eyes. The way he had looked at Olivier when they had first gotten together, when it was new and fresh and nothing had gone terribly wrong yet.

The old Olivier would have leapt at this chance, taking Mathieu back in an instant even after all the hurt.

But _that_ Olivier no longer existed.

And suddenly Olivier was angry. His face burning, he gripped the table so he could stop himself from launching across and landing a punch on Mathieu's face.

"How dare you." His voice wavered, but he continued. "How dare you sit there and say this? What makes you think this is okay?"

Mathieu dropped his gaze, shaking his head. "I was wrong. I was -"

"No point telling me now, so don't."

"I never explained to you why I left. " Mathieu actually sounded apologetic. "I didn't think what we had was enough. I thought I'd be missing out on things. But I was wrong. What we had was more than enough. And now I'm asking for a second chance."

Olivier didn't have to sit here and listen to this. "You're wasting your time. I have to go." 

He threw his napkin onto the table, about to slide out of the booth when Mathieu said, "This isn't about Daniel."

That stopped Olivier. _"What?"_

Hearing Daniel's name coming out of Mathieu's mouth was surreal. All of a sudden he felt cold, shrouded with guilt. He shouldn't have taken Mathieu's invite for drinks after all. He wished he was in his hotel room, talking on the phone with Daniel instead.

"You think I want you back because of Daniel. That I'm jealous of him. But it has nothing to do with him. He doesn't matter. This is between us. It's about what you and I had, and what we still have."

Olivier clenched his fist, trying not to respond violently to Mathieu saying Daniel 'didn't matter'.

"What do you mean, still? We have nothing."

"Not nothing. You still have feelings for me." Mathieu's expression suddenly turned sharp, almost sly. "You wouldn't be here if you don't."

“I was here for work!”

“Oh, please. In a bar? Stop pretending.” There was a condescending tone to Mathieu's voice now, just like old times, and Olivier _hated_ it.

Olivier took a deep breath. “I was being polite. We have to work together. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but as you know I'm seeing someone now and I would appreciate it if we could keep this professional.”

Mathieu grunted, and it sounded ugly. “You deserve better than that construction worker. What do you even see in him?” 

There was a ringing sound in Olivier's ears, which probably meant that he would blow his head off in a few seconds. He managed to stand up this time, not deigning to reply. Mathieu grabbed his arm, a sneer on his face. 

"You would choose him over me?"

Olivier uttered the truth. "Yes."

Mathieu's next words sounded casual but they were anything but. “Really? You don't think of me when you fuck him?"

Olivier held himself still. And all of a sudden he remembered how fast Mathieu could turn, how quickly his mood changed. How he'd use his words to get at Olivier, intending to hurt, and how Olivier would just _take it_ because Mathieu was all he had and he didn’t think he deserved more than that.

Well, he knew better now.

"No, I don't." Olivier said, gritting his teeth. "I only think of him. And his beautiful dick. He is more of a man than you could ever be."

Mathieu's expression at his words almost made Olivier laugh despite his anger. He yanked his arm out of Mathieu's grasp and said, "I think it's best if we stay away from each other from now on."

"We were great together." Longing tinged Mathieu's voice, but instead of feeling thrilled, Olivier just felt disgusted. Because what a waste they had been. 

“No, we weren't.”

He turned and walked out of the bar, away from Mathieu and their entire pointless past. 

 

 

 

 

**7.**

Daniel couldn't concentrate. He was sitting on the couch in Olivier's living room after dinner, supposedly watching football highlights while listening to Olivier chattering away about his trip.

He chuckled as he talked about catching Lukas making out with his new boyfriend Bastian in the elevator. He recalled how Jack almost got into a fight with a bell boy over a suitcase. He shook his head when he described how their new clients purposely tried to bargain their way out of their deal.

Not once had he mentioned Mathieu, or the fact that he was there at all. And that had bothered Daniel all night. 

That, and the fact that Olivier seemed to have forgotten their anniversary. He had been dying to show Olivier the gift he got for him, but it was pointless now that Olivier didn't appear to even care.

Daniel tried to check his expression, to show that he was interested. But slowly irritation crept up on him, and when Olivier mentioned meeting people who he had worked with before in Newcastle, he couldn't help but interject.

"So who else did you meet over there? I'm sure you caught up with a lot of your old friends." He kept his voice neutral, an achievement considering the circumstances.

Olivier listed a few names, some whom Daniel recognised, others he didn't. But Daniel noticed a slight shiftiness in his gestures. Just as Daniel was about to ask again, Olivier said, "And I met Mathieu."

Daniel breathed out, relieved and terrified. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Olivier replied, shrugging. "We had a few discussions during the conference. On the last day we had drinks at the hotel bar. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Hasn't it occurred to you to tell me about this first? That you met your ex when you were there?" Daniel was aware that he sounded like a whiny boyfriend, but he was too annoyed to care.

Olivier nodded. “You're right, I'm sorry. I should've told you earlier. But it's not important."

"How are you meeting your ex not important? At a hotel bar, no less?"

Olivier turned in his seat, looked at Daniel across the couch. "Because, Daniel, there's nothing in it."

Daniel narrowed his eyes, suspicion in his voice. "The last time we talked about Mathieu, you were all hung up on him. Now you're all 'Oh I had drinks with him in a bar' like it's no big deal. I just don't understand how you could be like that."

Olivier shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "We cleared the air. What happened between us is in the past. It doesn't matter anymore." His voice was different somehow, and Daniel knew Olivier was still not telling the whole truth, which frustrated the fuck out of him.

"Olivier, just tell me the truth." Daniel demanded. "Did something happen? Just _tell_ me." 

Even though a part of him didn't want to know, because the truth might hurt too much.

Olivier didn't answer for a moment, looking like he was struggling to decide what to say. "I didn't want to tell you because -"

"Just. Tell. Me."

"He said he missed me and wants me back. I said too bad because I don't want him back. He tried to convince me that we should be together but I said I'm with you now. That's what happened. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get upset."

Daniel felt like he was floating somewhere, like he was not part of the conversation anymore.

"Daniel?" Olivier looked worried.

"I knew you met him. There's a picture of you two together online at the conference." Daniel said. "I was waiting to see if you'd tell me."

"Oh. Okay. So... I did."

"Yes. After I practically _forced_ you."

"You're angry at me. Okay, I'm really sorry. I should've said something earlier. But he was fucking rude about you, about us. I just don't want to talk about him anymore." Olivier was trying to reassure him, which made it worse. He didn't want reassurance. He wanted the truth.

"And nothing happened?" Sarcasm edged into Daniel's voice. Olivier frowned in response.

"Yes, nothing. We had some drinks. That was it."

"Okay. If you say so."

Daniel turned back towards the television, ignoring Olivier's stare. He didn't think he could look at him right at that moment. He was afraid he would say something he would regret.

But he sensed Olivier was not going to drop the conversation and he welcomed it. He was itching for a fight. He was angry and his heart was hurting and he didn't want to be angry at Olivier yet kept imagining them sitting together, laughing, and how right they looked. How they made sense.

He was going to ruin it all and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.

 

 

 

 

**8.**

Olivier didn't like the way Daniel was talking, like he was dropping hints, baiting Olivier into saying something wrong. "You don't believe me?"

"Nah, I believe you. You have no reason to lie, right? It's not like you just spent two weeks in the company of the former love of your life. Or current?" Daniel shrugged nonchalantly. His face was unreadable. "Hard to tell these days."

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I'd knew you'd get upset." Olivier shifted closer to Daniel, but it was like talking to a wall.

"That's nice to know."

"Daniel, what is going on? Why are you being like this?" Olivier tried to reach for him but Daniel moved away and stood up. "What am I missing?"

"Oh, nothing. Other than our anniversary, that is." Daniel shrugged again, his voice trembling. "But I guess now it makes sense, what's with _Mathieu_ occupying your mind."

Olivier was surprised. "Our anniversary is next week."

"It's today." 

What? Did Olivier fuck up the dates? He glanced at the date on his watch. “No, it's next week. The anniversary of the day we had our first date."

" _No_ , it's today. The anniversary of the day we became official. When you came to see me in that hotel room." Daniel looked furious.

They stared at each other, Olivier from where he sat on the couch, Daniel standing a few feet away from him. Olivier realised that this was just a mix-up, though neither of them were willing to concede their point now. Not Daniel for sure, the way he was red with anger, his hands in fists at his sides.

So Olivier, knowing that he was the one with more sins at the moment, relented. "You're right. It should've been today. I'm sorry, I should've checked with you."

Daniel shook his head. "Doesn't matter. It's not your fault that we never discussed this."

"But you’re acting as if it is my fault, like I purposely forgot our anniversary." Olivier replied, dejected.

"Who needs anniversaries anyway? It’s lame. Forget it." Daniel turned, apparently heading to the door.

"Daniel." Olivier stood and grabbed him. "Can you please – ”

"Why don't you want him back?"

"Huh?"

"Why don't you want Mathieu back? Isn't this what you've wanted all along?" Daniel couldn't have sounded more accusatory if he tried, the harshness in his voice ringing clear.

"That was before I met you. Why on earth would I want him back? I'm with you now." Olivier tried to smile, but it was difficult with the way Daniel was looking at him. Like he didn't want anything to do with him.

"You don't have to sacrifice your happiness for me, Olivier."

"What? That's ridiculous! Would you stop talking like this?"

And Daniel lost it. He pulled free from Olivier's grasp and snarls, "No, _you_ stop! Stop being such a saint, stop apologising, stop trying to make me feel better! Just go to him, he's the one you want, right?"

Olivier watched Daniel, bewildered. He didn't understand where this outburst was coming from, and it frightened him. Because it meant that this relationship that he thought was perfect all along was actually not.

"No, he's not. _You_ are. I want to be with you. That's what I told him, and this is what I'm telling you." Olivier spoke slowly, trying to calm Daniel. It was like he was facing a wild, skittish animal. "I choose you."

"Yeah, sure. We both know it was me who wanted this relationship, not you. I chased you. You were waiting for Mathieu." Daniel was breathing heavily, refusing to look at Olivier now. "So now that he want you back, why are you still here with me?"

"Really, Daniel, I don't know what else I can say to prove to you that I don't want him back!" Olivier moved closer, taking Daniel's hands in his. "And would you quit with this ridiculous idea in your head? I wanted this relationship as much as you did!"

Daniel pulled out of Olivier's grasp and slumped against the wall behind him. He stared at a distance over Olivier's shoulder, looking miserable. Olivier wanted so badly to hold him, but he was afraid anything he did would set him off again.

"I'm not good enough for you," Daniel said, his voice sounded like he was in pain. "Admit it."

Olivier shook his head, serious. "No, that's crazy. You're more than good enough for me. You're everything to me." He reached up and caressed Daniel's face hesitantly, wary that Daniel might go off on another rant. But Daniel closed his eyes, letting Olivier's touch flow through him. "Look, I think there's something we should -"

But before he could persuade Daniel to sit down and talk with him, really _talk_ because this was killing him and it was obviously killing Daniel as well, Daniel opened his eyes and tugged at Olivier's jacket. 

"Kiss me." Daniel whispered.

Olivier hesitated at first, knowing that Daniel was purposely avoiding the conversation. But he obliged, desperate to fix whatever it was that was fracturing between them. He pressed his lips against Daniel's cautiously, like he was kissing a ticking time bomb.

But Daniel returned his kiss fiercely, almost desperately. As if he was trying to convey everything he couldn't say out loud through the kiss. He flung his arms around Olivier, his lips pressed against his so hard it was almost painful. He ran his tongue against Olivier's lips and when Olivier opened his mouth, Daniel swept his tongue in, a soft moan escaping from him. Olivier held him tightly and kissed him and kissed him, wanting Daniel to feel his love, wanting Daniel to be okay.

When they finally came up for air, Olivier refused to let Daniel go. The look Daniel gave him was alarming. There was a hint of resignation in those beautiful brown eyes.

"Would you _please_ tell me what's wrong?" Olivier leaned his forehead against Daniel's, feeling Daniel's warm breath on his skin.

But Daniel's answer left him cold. "Everything."

Olivier moved back a fraction and lifted Daniel's chin, tried to make Daniel look at him. But this time Daniel kept his eyes on the ground.

"Even us?"

Daniel's voice was barely a whisper. ” _Everything_."

Olivier felt like his heart was breaking. There was no other way to put it. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, Olivier." Daniel looked at him now, and to Olivier's surprise, leaned in to kiss him again before pulling away. "You're perfect."

In Olivier's mind, it felt like Daniel had just kissed him goodbye.

Daniel didn't stay the night. He said he needed some space and he would call Olivier when he was ready to talk. Olivier watched as he walked down the driveway and into his car, feeling the distance between them growing with each step he took. He was losing his grip on something dear, but he didn't know how to reach for it again. 

How could he fix something that he didn't know was broken in the first place?

 

 

 

 

**9.**

The following week was torture for Olivier. He had no idea what was happening between him and Daniel and the not knowing was the worst part. Daniel hadn't contacted him, and he was torn between wanting to give him some space and wanting to talk to him. In the end he gave Daniel a call a few days after their – fight? The memory of that night stung Olivier whenever he thought about it. But his call ended up going to the voicemail.

The next day he called again. When that too went to the voicemail, he decided to drop by Daniel's rented place on his way back from work. But no one was there. Feeling worried, he gave Daniel's workplace a call.

Imagine his absolute surprise when they told him that Daniel no longer worked there, and had not been working there for almost three months now.

Olivier sat in his office, confused and sad. Why wouldn't Daniel tell him that he lost his job? Why was he hiding things from him? They had never kept things from each other before.

"You okay?" His assistant, Jack, poked his head into the room.

"Yeah."

"Bullshit."

Olivier placed his elbows on the desk and covered his face with his hands. He heard Jack coming into the room and closing the door behind him. Then he heard him much closer, "What's going on? You've been like a ghost this entire week."

He removed his hands and sighed at Jack who was standing on the other side of his desk. "I think Daniel is breaking up with me."

Jack laughed loudly. "That's crazy! He practically moons over you it makes me sick. I've lost count how many times I've had to listen to his inappropriate messages for you when I sorted out your voicemail. He even has a picture of you as his phone wallpaper, which as you know is the mark of true love these days."

The pain in Olivier's heart intensified. "People fall out of love all the time."

"What makes you think he's breaking up with you?"

"Let's see. He lost his job months ago and didn't tell me about it. He accused me of wanting to get back with Mathieu even though I told him many times that's not true. He hasn't returned my calls this week. I don't know where he is." Olivier pushed the pens on his desk around morosely. "We had a fight the night I came back from Newcastle. When I asked him what's wrong, he said "everything". Including us, apparently."

Jack whistled, obviously taken by surprise. He sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Okay, that's... more than I expected. But maybe there's a reason why he's behaving like this. You just need to talk to him."

"I tried. And I'm still trying, but I can't reach him." Olivier exhaled. He was having a pity party and he wanted Jack to join in. "I know it's my fault, I shouldn't have talked to Mathieu. I tried telling Daniel that it was nothing but he didn't believe me."

"Well, we all get a little irrational when it comes to our partner's ex." Jack said reasonably.

"He also blamed me for missing our anniversary. We had our dates mixed up, which is stupid and I apologised, but... he was _so_ angry. It's completely unlike him."

"Sometimes people get angry at the small stuff to hide the fact that they're angry about something else."

"I should just give up." Olivier said, resigned. "I fuck up every relationship I have, so why bother? He'd probably be happier without me."

Jack sat up straight, his stern face back on. "No. Don't start talking nonsense. You need to find him and get to the bottom of this."

"Everybody leaves in the end." For some absurd reason, Olivier started to laugh. First Mathieu, now Daniel. Will he ever find someone who won't eventually run away from him? His entire love life was a tragicomedy of epic proportions.

"Can you not? Stop laughing, for fuck's sake!" Jack demanded, which only served to make Olivier laugh harder. Maybe he was going mad after all. When he finally stopped laughing, he took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, trying to get himself together. 

"Are you done? Because acting crazy won't get Daniel back, I can tell you that."

"Isn't there a saying? If you love something, set it free. If it's meant to be -"

"Shut up. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I forbid you from following it. Look at me." Jack moved forward, snapping his fingers in front of Olivier's face. "Hey, look at me."

"You're really rude to your boss, you know that?"

"You don't pay me enough to be polite to you." Jack snapped. "So listen. You can't find him, fine. When I have problems with Alex, I go to his best friend Carl. Because Carl knows everything. So maybe Daniel is hiding away at his best friend's place."

"His best friend Simon is in Denmark. Although I won't be surprised if he _is_ in Denmark."

"I mean, his best friend who is here. Martin?"

Olivier sighed. "I don't think Martin would know anything."

"You don't know unless you try, do you? Give him a call. Or better yet, drop by his place. He'll find it hard to lie when he's being ambushed." 

Olivier thought he might start laughing again, so he bit his lip. "You seem very knowledgeable about this."

"I may have had some experience, not like I'm gonna tell you. You can thank me later. Or better yet, give me raise."

"Very presumptuous too."

"Whatever. You know I'm right."

Olivier had to admit that what Jack said was true. It didn't occur to him to go to Martin even though that was the most obvious route to take. He couldn't believe he didn't think of it before. He really must be going mad.

 

 

 

 

**10.**

Martin had the grace to look surprised when he saw Olivier on his front porch. He invited Olivier in, but Olivier declined.

"I don't want to take up too much of your time. I was just wondering..." Olivier didn't know how to say what he wanted to say without sounding like a total irresponsible prick who couldn't keep track of his own boyfriend, but he had no choice. "I was wondering if you know where Daniel is? I can't get through to him. He's not answering his calls and he's not at home."

"Ah. Well." Martin hesitated. "He's.... back in Copenhagen."

Olivier's heart dropped. Of course. Somehow it was like he already knew but he still felt winded, like Martin's news had physically hurt him. He didn't know how to respond, but his face had shown enough. He nodded, trying to keep his emotions from spilling over and said, "I see. Well, thanks, I think I'm just going to - "

"Olivier, would you come in?" Martin's voice was kind. There was pity, but also understanding in his eyes. Broken and not trusting himself to drive at the moment, Olivier blindly followed him into the house.

They sat in Martin's living room. Martin asked if Olivier wanted anything to drink but Olivier said no. Truthfully Olivier would kill for some alcohol but he knew if he started drinking he wouldn't stop, and he would rather not go down that road.

"Look, I'm sorry about this. I told Daniel he's overreacting but I couldn't stop him from leaving. He said he just needed some time away. I told him the least he could do was let you know that he's leaving but he said he'll just be away for the weekend and be back on Monday. He said you won't even know he's gone." Martin looked like he wanted to continue but Olivier spoke first.

"Won't even know he _gone_? I've been going crazy trying to find out where he is! I can't believe he'd leave without telling me." Olivier didn't want to raise his voice, didn't want to get angry at Martin who was just an innocent bystander in the wreckage of his relationship, but he was _furious_. How could Daniel be so selfish? How could he think Olivier would not care?

"I know. And I wanted to tell you, I swear, but he made me promise that I won't." Martin paused, unsure. "Well, he said not to tell you unless he isn't coming back on Monday..."

Olivier felt numb. Like, his fingertips were actually frozen. "You mean, he's staying? In Copenhagen?"

"I really don't know. He was very cryptic. He -" Martin sighed. "I know you're mad at him and you have every right to, but I think he's in a bad place right now, and he just needs to take some time off from... everything that is going on." Martin paused again, looking guilty, like he almost slipped out a secret.

"You mean losing his job," Olivier guessed. "Is that what you're talking about?"

Martin looked visibly relieved. "Yes! Did he tell you?"

"No, I called the office. They told me."

"See, I told him he should've told you! But he said he didn't want to worry you." Martin's usually pleasant face now appeared almost as angry as Olivier felt. "Sometimes I feel guilty about it because we both lost our jobs but I got a new one soon after, while he's been struggling. It's been eating away at him, you know."

Olivier sighed, his anger ebbing away. "I can understand. But I wish he would just tell me, instead of... I don't know, trying pick a fight."

"He told me about your fight."

"Did he tell you what it was about?" Olivier felt embarrassed but Martin was the only person who knew more than him so he really couldn't afford to be offended. And it was good to have someone to talk to about it.

Martin nodded slowly. "Yeah... he said he thought you wanted to go back to your ex. I'm sure that's not true though!"

"It' not. But I could see why he'd think that. I met my ex at work and didn't really come clean to Daniel about it." Olivier ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "I think I've fucked things up."

"Hey, if anyone fucked up it's not just you, it's him too. Not telling you about his job was stupid. When he came in here and told me about your fight, I thought he was being unreasonable and I told him that. He then accused me of taking your side. I didn't want to pick sides! I just thought if you guys could talk then you could work things out."

“Well, it's my fault too, I've been busy with work and we haven't really talked properly in a while.”

Martin said, in a gentler tone, "He was also pretty upset about you forgetting your anniversary. He was very excited about his gift to you. He won't even tell me what it is."

Feeling his heart sank for what seemed like the third time today, Olivier said, "I messed up the date. I didn’t know that it’s such a big deal to him. I guess I was too casual about it."

"Don't beat yourself over it. Anyone can make a mistake. I just think there's something else he's not saying."

Olivier wasn't sure what it was but he was not going to discuss theories of Daniel's behaviour with Martin. It was bad enough that he was receiving counselling from Daniel's best friend. Suddenly he missed his own best friend, Morgan. If Morgan had been here he could give Olivier some advice because he was smart and he would never judge Olivier's stupidity. But Morgan was back in France and this was not something Olivier could drop through a phone call.

So it was up to him alone to sort out this problem that he had gotten himself in.

"Guess there's only one solution then."

"What?"

"Go to Copenhagen and make him talk." 

 

 

 

 

**11.**

Daniel was in deep shit.

When he reached his apartment in Copenhagen, a stack of bills greeted him. He shoved them aside and planted himself on the couch, opening his fourth bottle of beer for the day. He was going to have to choose. Losing this place, or losing the place he was renting in London. He couldn't afford to pay for both now that his bank account was drying up and for some reason no one wanted to give him a fucking job. He might lose his car too, if his unemployment went on for much longer. Probably have to auction off his Liverpool collectibles at the rate things were going, and if it came to that then he might as well be dead.

He took out his phone and saw that he has three voicemails. He deleted them without listening. He knew who they were from and he couldn't bear listening to that voice, even though he was missing it so badly.

He was running away like a coward, and he was hurting the very person who mattered the most to him, but he couldn't stop it. It was like he was not himself anymore. Like he was acting on someone else's will, doing things the real Daniel would be ashamed about.

No, he thought, shaking his head. No point in trying to pretend it was someone else's doing. He got himself here by his own doing. It was his _own_ mess.

Daniel chugged back the beer, trying not to think about how things were effectively over once Olivier knew where he was. Which he was sure Olivier would, considering that Martin can never keep his mouth shut. His face burned as he recalled his last conversation with his best friend, or rather, 'conversation' because he spent most of that time yelling at Martin.

_"Why can't you just agree with me? Why do you have to take his side? Whose best friend are you!"_

_"I'm not taking his side! I'm just saying, if he says he doesn't want his ex back, why do you assume differently? He even told you what happened in Newcastle. He didn't have to, you know."_

_"Oh, yeah, sure he told me. After I made him."_

_"You said yourself that he said he didn't want to talk about it because his ex was saying hurtful things about you. Hasn't it occurred to you that maybe he was protecting you?"_

_"I don't need to be protected, I'm not a fucking child!"_

_"Well, you're behaving like one."_

_"Sure, I'm the childish one, he's the perfect one. He is, isn't he? I don't deserve him, never have."_

_"Daniel, would you calm down? Can you just go and talk to him? Rationally, like an adult, since you said you're not a child?"_

_"Don’t go repeating what I said!"_

_"Then don’t go behaving like an idiot!"_

Daniel cringed, sorry that he dragged Martin into his screw ups. Granted, Martin could have been more supportive since all he wanted was to rant about Olivier and have someone listen, but it didn't give him the right to lash out at Martin when all he was trying to do was help.

He stood up and walked to the balcony, looking out over the city. He had missed this view of the cobbled streets lined with colourful buildings.

But strangely, his apartment didn't feel like home anymore. It was like coming back to a place that he was no longer a part of.

When he thought of home his mind brought up a cluster of memories. Home to him was walking through turnstiles packed with people rushing underground, waiting to cross busy streets filled with red double decker buses, buying hot takeout dinners for two at the corner shop, sleeping in a soft, warm bed with a pair of strong arms embracing him, making him feel safe and peaceful.

This place no longer felt like home because the person who made him think of home was not here with him.

Impulsively, he took out his phone again and started dialing Olivier's number. It immediately went to voicemail. He was relieved, because he didn't really want to talk to him. He was sure he would lose his nerve. When the voicemail clicked on, he spoke quickly, then ended the call and switched off his phone.

It was cruel, what he was doing to Olivier. He knew. But he believed that in the end, it was the best decision for both of them. Well, for Olivier more than him. But it didn't matter now.

He decided he deserved another drink, and walked back inside, closing the balcony door behind him.

 

 

 

 

**12.**

When Olivier touched down in Copenhagen, the first thing he did was switch on his phone. He had a few messages; a couple from Jack updating him on the office board meeting which he unfortunately had to miss (his business partner Per was less than pleased), one from Laurent, the owner of the gym he was a member of, telling him about a new promotion, and then -

Daniel had left him a message.

Olivier listened in a blur, then fumbled with his phone to replay the message, cursing, ignoring the looks from people around him waiting for bags at the airport carousel. He listened again, his heart beating fast.

_"Olivier, it's me. I'm in Copenhagen. Yeah, I know, I'm a dumbass and I understand if you're angry at me. You should be. I deserve it. If you want to end things here, I completely understand. After all what kind of boyfriend have I been? Not a fucking good one. You should get an upgrade or something. Umm. So go get an upgrade and – and thank you. For everything. Okay. Goodbye."_

Olivier replayed the message and listened for the third time. Then he stared at his phone. What the fuck was Daniel on about? He sounded out of his mind.

Hurriedly picking up his bag from the carousel, he went to the vehicle rental counter and rented a car. He had no idea how long he'd be staying but he had taken a week off from work. He didn't know what would happen between them but he'd be damned if he was going to leave this city without clearing up whatever this was.

The word “goodbye” from Daniel's message kept ringing in his mind and he wanted to smash things, he was so frustrated. Saying Olivier should get an _upgrade_? 

God, he was going to kill Daniel when he found him.

Instead of checking into the hotel, the first place he stopped by was Daniel's place, though that took longer than planned on the account of his anxiousness and inability to follow the instruction from the car's GPS.

He was going to make Daniel talk, one way or another.

Of course Daniel was not there. 

He stood outside the apartment, disappointed and worried. He was afraid that Daniel might do something stupid after all the drinking that he had done. Instead of making him feel better hearing from Daniel again, the voicemail only served to make him feel worse.

He took the elevator down and walked back to the car. He glanced up and down the street that he had visited only a few times before, feeling lost. Daniel could be anywhere. Where did he even start?

Maybe he should wait until Daniel came back. But he couldn't stand the idea of staying in one place, just waiting.

Making a decision, he got into the car and started driving.

 

 

 

 

**13.**

His decision to visit the usual bars that Daniel favoured seemed like a great idea at first. But Daniel was not in any of them. So he decided to go to clubs they had never been into. Of course, by the time he had entered his eighth club of the night, Olivier was just about ready to give up. Why the fuck were there so many clubs anyway? 

He scanned the dark, crowded room for any signs of Daniel, figuring that if he still couldn't find him he might as well wait at Daniel's apartment and pray he came back instead of crashing somewhere else. He tried not to think about how Daniel was back where all his friends were, where he could hide in any of their places and Olivier wouldn't have a clue where to find him.

He slowly made his way through the throngs of people, techno music blaring through the speakers, trying to reach the bar. And then he froze. Because he had seen Daniel, and Daniel was not alone.

Daniel was sitting on a bar stool, kissing a woman. A _woman_.

Before he could stop himself Olivier had rushed to where they were and yanked Daniel away. Daniel swayed, then angrily looked around. When he saw Olivier, he almost fell off his stool. He gaped at him, his mouth moving but not saying a word. Olivier wanted to yell at him but he was busy explaining to the woman what exactly was going on.

"Yes, he's my _boyfriend._ " Olivier made sure he emphasised the last word, and not to sound too hostile. It was not the woman's fault that Daniel couldn't hold his drink and keep his fucking mouth to himself.

"Are you joking?" The woman looked shocked, as Daniel muttered, "I'm not his boyfriend."

Olivier ignored Daniel. "I'm not joking. He's just had too much to drink. I suggest you don't waste your time here. Sorry."

The woman grabbed her purse from the bar, screeching "Why does this shit always happen to me!" to no one in particular and stomped off, her high heels clacking on the hard floor.

Olivier took the now empty seat besides Daniel, who was staring glumly at his half-empty beer glass. He seemed to have recovered from his shock of seeing Olivier there. His eyes were red, his face pale. It pained Olivier to see him like this.

"So you're batting for the other team now?" Olivier almost had to shout to make himself heard in the noisy club.

Daniel shrugged, but his movement was less than smooth. "Yeah, why not. Besides she kissed me first. So. I win."

“You're not making any sense.” Olivier sighed. "Come on, I think you've had enough now."

"Don't tell me what to do." Daniel was definitely way past drunk and heading down to plastered-ville. "Didn't you - didn't you get my message?"

"You mean the message where you rambled like a drunk? Yes, I did."

"So why are you here?" Daniel gulped down his beer, not looking at Olivier, who thought Daniel might as well take that beer glass and smash it down his head. The pain would probably be less than what he was feeling right now.

"Because I want to be here," Olivier answered slowly. "I wanted to see you."

"Well, maybe I don't want to see you. Did you think about that?" 

Olivier flinched. This was not the Daniel he recognised. This was Daniel in pain, as much as he tried to hide it.

"You're going to regret saying all this when we make up tomorrow." Olivier tried to joke, even though his heart was twisting in his chest.

Daniel's face sort of crumpled. "Why are you _here_? Why are you making this so difficult?"

"What is difficult? Daniel, please. I don't understand."

Olivier was upset. The club was way too noisy for his liking, and seeing Daniel like this angered him, but he was also angry with himself because things had gotten this far without him noticing. How did he let it come to this?

"I don't know. I don't care. Just leave me alone." Daniel emptied his glass and raised his hand to the bartender. Olivier pulled his arm down, saying loudly, "You've had enough. Let's go."

Daniels wrenched his arm away from Olivier's grasp, the force of his action almost made him slip off the bar stool. "Why don't _you_ go. Fuck off back to London."

Olivier told himself that Daniel was drunk and had no idea what he was saying, but he still smarted from Daniel's words. He pulled Daniel's arm down again and Daniel tugged away. This went on until they ended up wrestling each other, crashing to the floor.

Daniel was yelling obscenities, his fists flying at Olivier. Olivier straddled him and shouted at him to stop, trying to pin Daniel's arms to the floor. Suddenly, he was roughly hauled off and next thing he knew they were both thrown out of the club, the door slamming shut behind them.

"You happy now?" Daniel shouted, wandering around in circles. He veered away from Olivier and promptly fell to the ground. He sat there, holding his head.

Furious, Olivier had half a mind to leave him there. His chest was stinging from Daniel's punches and he felt _tired_. He hadn't taken a breath since arriving in Copenhagen, running after Daniel who apparently didn't even want him here.

But he couldn't leave him like this, intoxicated, sitting in the streets.

So he made his way over to where he was sitting, gripped him around the waist and pulled him up. Daniel didn't resist but muttered incoherently about Olivier not leaving him alone. 

Olivier guided him down the sidewalk to his rented car, when all of a sudden Daniel halted, mumbling, "Wait, wait." He staggered to a nearby thrash can and vomited violently into it.

Olivier watched him for moment, then slowly went to him and stopped by his side. He rubbed Daniel's back as his completely smashed boyfriend hurled again. He had never seen Daniel like this. He felt like this was all his fault and he was probably right.

When Daniel was done throwing his guts off, Olivier led him to the car and drove to Daniel's place. 

It took him a while to get to Daniel's apartment because the GPS was't working for some goddamn reason. Daniel dozed off and Olivier let him. When they finally arrived, he hauled Daniel out of the car with some difficulty, bearing almost all of his weight. Daniel mutedly leaned on him as they made their way to the elevator and up to his floor.

At the door, Olivier had to rummage around Daniel's pockets before finding the keys, causing Daniel to mutter "Would you stop groping me". Suppressing a sigh, Olivier unlocked the door and entered, dragging Daniel behind him.

He had only been inside Daniel's apartment a few times before. He had always thought the place was temporary before Daniel finally moved everything to London. But now he realised with a pang that most of Daniel's stuff were still here. He could see Daniel's furniture and the little things like notes on the fridge and the stack of Liverpool DVDs.

This place that Daniel gave up, along with his entire life, all because of him.

Olivier was too caught up with his thoughts that he didn't realise he had left Daniel to his own devices until he noticed the man was gone. He walked through the apartment to the bedroom and saw Daniel lying face down on the huge bed, fully clothed. He was already asleep.

He should wake him up and get him to drink a glass of water and take some pills, otherwise his hangover would be brutal tomorrow. But he didn't have the energy to fight with Daniel again. So he decided to leave him but not without taking off Daniel's shoes and socks, then his jeans because they looked uncomfortable to sleep in.

As Olivier struggled to pull the blanket from underneath Daniel, his eyes caught something on the patch of skin between Daniel's t-shirt and boxers. He peered at the mark, then almost gasped in shock.

Daniel had the word "Olivier" tattooed on his right hip. 

The ink was dark, fresh. Even the patch of skin still had a faint rawness to it. And Olivier suddenly realised that this must be the anniversary gift that Daniel had been saving for him.

Olivier stared at the tattoo, overwhelmed. He felt like bursting into laughter and choking back tears at the same time. He wanted to shake Daniel awake and howl at him for being so impulsive. Tattooing his name? What _possessed_ him to do something like this?

Yet at the same time Olivier knew this was who Daniel was. If Daniel thought something - or someone - was worth being carved onto his skin, he went and got it done. Just like moving his entire life to a new country for someone who he thought was worth it. 

When had Olivier ever had that kind of conviction?

He covered Daniel with the blanket and left the room. He wandered around the apartment, soaking in every detail in this place, every piece of history in Daniel's life before him. When he saw a picture of Daniel and Martin smiling at Anfield on the mantlepiece, he felt unbearably sad. 

How terrible must Daniel had felt, losing his job and having to listen to Olivier prattle on about his successful company every day? How disappointed must he had been, waiting excitedly to show off the tattoo only to find Olivier talking about his worthless ex? How lonely must he have felt, coming back here to feel like himself again?

Opening a bottle of beer he found in the fridge, he sat on the couch in the living room, feeling like he was lost in a world where everything mattered except him. No, he didn't matter.

Not after everything he had taken for granted.

 

 

 

 

**14.**

Daniel woke up feeling as if his head had been bashed with a sledgehammer. He groaned, clutching his head. When the room stopped spinning, he rolled onto his back and took a deep breath. Then he had a slight moment of panic, until he realised that he was in his own bed. How did he get here? The last thing he remembered was being in some random club he had never been before, chugging back drink after drink, trying to forget his own life. There was loud music, and the drinks made him feel good.

He seemed to recall that Olivier was there as well, which was impossible because he was in London. He never told Olivier where he was. He almost laughed out loud at himself. He was missing Olivier so much that he was conjuring him out of thin air now? 

How pathetic.

Slowly getting out of bed, he made his way to the bathroom to take a shower and also to try to stop feeling sorry for himself. He blasted himself with hot water, his mind getting less fuzzy the longer he stayed.

As he was getting dressed, he heard the front door open and close. His head was still pulsing with pain. That would cap off his situation, wouldn't it? Getting robbed on top of everything else. Daniel slowly made his way out of the bedroom into the living room, which led to the kitchen.

He found Olivier standing there.

He stopped, sure that he was still dreaming.

Olivier was taking sandwiches and bottles of water from paper bags, setting them on kitchen table. He looked up as Daniel hovered in the doorway. They both stared at each other, Olivier with an unreadable expression on his face, while Daniel was sure that he looked like shit. From being hungover and from being overwhelmed by the fact that even after everything he had done, Olivier was actually here.

He was _here_. In his apartment. In another country.

"Have some of these. You'll feel better." Olivier said, his voice almost casual. He didn't look at Daniel again.

Daniel didn't trust himself to speak so he grunted noncommittally and sat at the table, making sure not to move too much.

Olivier pushed the food and water to Daniel but Daniel shook his head slightly. He felt nauseous and seeing all the food only made it worse.

"You have to drink some water at least otherwise you'll feel like shit."

"I already feel like shit." Daniel's voice was hoarse.

"Well, serves you right for cheating on me with a woman." Olivier spoke quickly, as if he had been waiting the entire night and morning to utter those words. He sounded hurt.

Daniel felt a sudden chill. He glanced sharply at Olivier, ignoring the way his head spun. He couldn't really remember what happened last night, but he wouldn't have cheated. No way. He didn't even like women, for fuck's sake. Not in _that_ way.

His confusion must have shown on his face because Olivier raised an eyebrow and said, “Oh, you don't remember? Making out with some random woman in a club? Acting like you didn't have a boyfriend?”

Daniel swallowed. No, he didn't remember. Fuck, Daniel needed to stop getting plastered. This was not like him at all. He liked to drink, but not to the point where he did incredibly stupid things. 

“I'm... I don't remember,” he whispered. “So you were the one who took me home?”

“Obviously. Even though you told me to leave you the fuck alone and go back to London.”

Daniel winced, rushed by guilt and sorrow and worthlessness. He was hurting, and in response he had hurt the person he loved the most. The worst part was he didn't even remember doing it.

He didn't know what to say. He knew he should apologise but suddenly the weight of the words seemed too heavy in his mouth.

Olivier was standing stiffly, watching him. But when he spoke, he sounded more disappointed than angry.

“Are we going to talk about what's bothering you? What this is all about? That message you leave in my voicemail? Because I'm not going to fuck off back to London until I know the whole story.”

Daniel was weak and scared shitless, but as he looked at Olivier, he knew this man deserved the truth. He could afford to lay his pride in pieces on the ground if it meant Olivier would stop looking at Daniel like he was a piece of shit.

He didn't know where to start. So he started with where it all began. He stared at his hands and said, “I lost my job. More than... three months ago.”

He heard a chair scrape against the floor and sensed rather than saw Olivier sit down in front of him. Then Olivier said, “I know.”

Daniel glanced at Olivier, shocked. And relieved. So very relieved to have this secret finally out in the open. "How? Martin?"

"No, your office. But yes, I talked to Martin about it afterwards. He was worried about you."

Yet another thing to feel guilty about. “I acted like a shithead to him before I left.”

"So why didn't you tell me? That you lost your job?"

"Because." Daniel laughed bitterly and looked up, as if waiting for an answer to drop from the sky. "Because it's humiliating."

"You were laid off. People get laid off. It happens. You should have just told me."

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me." Daniel replied, truthfully. He looked at Olivier now, trying to make him understand. "I don't want you to look at me and wonder if you made a mistake being with me. And... I didn't want your pity."

Olivier kept his eyes on Daniel's. "Give me a little credit, would you? I don't pity you. I _love_ you. Whatever happens, I'm here for you. You're not alone." He took Daniel's hand in his. "Did you actually think our relationship will end just because you were laid off? That's kind of insulting, you know? We're worth more than that."

Daniel felt a lump in his throat. God, it felt so good to touch Olivier again. His large, reassuring hand against his. Suddenly Daniel found himself spilling everything.

“I didn't want to lie to you at first. I was going to tell you. But then you were so excited about your work and I just felt like a fucking failure. Then the longer I didn't tell you, the harder it got. And when I saw you with Mathieu in that picture. I'm never going to be like Mathieu, he's filthy rich and successful and he's had history with you and he's just... I thought maybe you belong with him. Maybe you deserve him instead of me. I can't give you what you deserve. I'm not like him.”

“Good. I don't want you to be like him.”

Daniel sighed. “Olivier -”

“No, my turn.” Olivier didn't speak until Daniel looked up him again. “When I was with Mathieu, I was a version of myself I didn't like. I was unhappy with myself, unhappy with my life. I blamed myself when he left, thinking it was my fault that he didn't love me enough. But I was wrong. What we had was nothing like love. I only realised it when I met you. You opened up the world for me. To know that you were willing to give me a chance, that you gave up everything to be with me. The only reason why I've been working my ass off and doing all these projects is because you made me believe I could. I give it all knowing I have you to come home to. With you, I am the best version of myself. Because _you_ are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Daniel was stunned. He had never heard Olivier speak like this. Olivier had never been a man of many words. It had always been him who soothed, explained, comforted in words. He knew how Olivier felt about him, but hearing him say out loud all of that... 

It made Daniel feel invincible.

But Olivier was not done. “I should have told you this a long time ago. I was too caught up with work. I was so busy wanting to make you proud of me, that I didn't even see you were in pain. I'm sorry that I took you for granted. I will never do that again."

Daniel couldn't speak.

He didn't need to, because Olivier has closed the space between them, sealing his words with a kiss. Daniel's hangover vanished in an instant. He had forgotten how good it felt kissing Olivier, how perfect his mouth fit with his, how soft yet strong his lips were. Olivier's fingers brushed his jaw and he ached inside, wanting this beautiful man – who _loved_ him - and wanting to make everything right again.

When they stopped to take a breath, a huge weight had been lifted off Daniel's shoulders. But he still had a mountain of things to apologise to Olivier for. He recalled everything he said and felt ashamed.

"I'm sorry for what I said about Mathieu -"

"Forget it." Olivier cut him off. "He's not worth it."

"I'm sorry for drinking too much and acting like a dumbass when you found me in the club." Seeing Olivier about to reply, Daniel quickly continued. "I'm sorry for kissing some strange woman. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I don't know what the fuck was I thinking. If you'd done something like that, I don't know what I'd have done."

"Take the first flight out to Copenhagen?" Olivier raised his eyebrows, a smile playing on his lips.

Daniel closed his eyes in despair, then opened them again. "Yes. You're right. I overreacted. I'm so sorry. I should have been honest with you from the start."

Olivier squeezed his hand. "I forgive you. You were in a bad place. Just don't do that to me again, okay? I was worried sick when I couldn't find you."

Daniel's silly heart leaped. At this man, who came all the way to Denmark just to find him. "I’m sorry about that too. For not calling you and letting you know where I was. I still can't believe you came all the way here."

"Well, you said you were the one who was doing all the chasing when we first met. I thought that it's my turn to do the chasing now." Olivier shrugged, smiling bashfully. “I have to apologise too. For missing our anniversary. I mixed up the dates, and I should have checked but work got in the way. That won't happen again.”

Daniel paused, thinking about how petty he had behaved about the anniversary. He knew now that it was because of everything else in his life. But he was grateful that Olivier said what he said anyway. “It's okay. I should have checked too. We know better now.”

Then he leaned in and kissed Olivier again, just because he could. He could feel Olivier smiling against his lips, and his heart felt whole for the first time in a long time. After a moment, he pulled away and took in the vision of this man in front of him. He'd find a way to make it up to Olivier, somehow.

Olivier looked very relieved. “We're good?”

“We're great.” Daniel couldn't help but smile.

“Okay, so... what's the plan? Are you planning to come back to London? Or... are you staying here?"

"Well, my original plan was to stay and look for a job here. But I don't want to stay here if you're not with me."

Olivier cleared his throat. "Since we're being honest and all, I should tell you that I hate to even say this, but if you think staying here would be better for you -"

Daniel shook his head. "No, it's not. My home is in London, with you now.” 

“But... you still have your place here. It's like you never left.”

Daniel looked around his apartment. “I know. I guess I like the idea of coming here from time to time. Taking you with me to my favourite places. It doesn't mean I don't like the life we have in London. Although I'll probably have to let this place go. I can't afford to keep both this place and the one I'm renting in London."

Olivier frowned at him. "You do remember that I asked you to move in with me, right? You don't have to keep that rented place anymore."

Daniel paused. "So when you asked me to move in with you, you were serious?"

"Of course I was. I still am." Olivier looked confused. "Why did you think I wasn't serious?"

"I thought you just said it because - because we just had sex. So maybe you didn't really mean it."

Olivier laughed. "Are you kidding me? Of course I meant it!"

"Well, that and the fact that you never mentioned anything about moving in again after that."

"I didn't mention it again because I didn't want to push you. You didn't seem excited about it - which I now know why, you were worried about your job - so I figured I'll bring it up again another time."

"God, I fucked things up real good, huh?"

"We both did, to be fair."

"Me more than you."

"Forget about that. So... you agree?"

"Agree?"

"To move in with me," Olivier said, impatiently. "I want you to."

"You don't think we'll get on each other's nerves? I can be messy, you know. You've seen my place." Daniel knew he was trying to talk it out but in his mind he was already saying _yes yes yes_.

Olivier shook his head. "You think I don't already know that? So what, we'll get on each other's nerves and you'll be messy and I'll make a fuss and we'll fight and then we have make up sex. It'll be amazing."

"I can't believe how easy you make it sound."

"Why wouldn't it be? You're practically spending all your time in my house now anyway."

Daniel was amazed at how casually Olivier was talking about moving in together, and not just that, but also the way he freely talked about his feelings for Daniel. He was no longer the closed-off, distant man Daniel first met a year ago. Maybe that was partly due to Daniel. He was willing to take the credit, even if he didn't deserve to.

"So.. you're sure about this?"

Olivier's tone was firm. "Yes. I'm sure."

Daniel nodded then, happy. "Alright, boss. I'll move in with you.”

“Stop. The only one who can call me 'boss' is Jack, and I'd rather not think about him right now.”

“Oh yeah? What would you rather think about?”

“How we are due for a make up sex right about now.”

Daniel had to laugh. “You know I'm having the worst hangover, I don't even know if I have the energy.”

But Olivier was already making his way around the table to where Daniel was sitting, smiling naughtily. “Don't worry, I'll do all the work.”

Daniel stood and then Olivier was onto him, wrapping his arms around Daniel and kissing him as if his life depended on it. Daniel was only too happy to return the favour, hangover be damned. He let Olivier pull him into the bedroom. Right now all he wanted was to be in those strong, safe arms.

 

 

 

 

**15.**

Olivier pushed Daniel onto the bed and laid on him, dragging his lips down his throat. He suckled the soft skin there and Daniel moaned, his fingers running down Olivier's back. Olivier suddenly laughed, breathless. 

“What's so funny?” Daniel grunted, trying to pull Olivier's mouth back onto his skin.

“Nothing, I'm just happy.” Olivier grinned. “That you're moving in with me.”

And he _was_. Happy that Daniel had said yes to living with him, committing himself to him, and that they had worked things out. He knew that there shouldn't be any secrets between them, and he knew they still had to work on that. He knew that it wouldn't be easy sometimes, that they will have their fights.

But now he knew they would work things out when they do.

“I'm happy too. But can we maybe talk later?” 

They resumed their kissing, until things got too hot and Daniel sat up to strip off his shirt. Olivier ran his eyes down that solid, lean body, flushed with need, until his eyes stopped at the strip of inked skin with his name on it.

Daniel reached for him then stopped as he realised where Olivier was gazing. He looked down too, and his face lighted up.

“Oh, yeah. Suprise! Do you like it?” Daniel beamed, his eyes bright.

Olivier looked up at his boyfriend, torn between pretending to be surprised and letting Daniel know that he had already seen it. He decided to be honest.

“Um, I've seen it...”

Daniel's mouth dropped open. “You what?”

“I saw it by accident, when I put you to bed last night.” Olivier felt absurdly guilty. “I didn't mean to.”

"It was supposed to be a surprise." Daniel said, sounding really disappointed. The excited smile on his face faded. "You're not supposed to see it until I show you. I wanted to see your face the first time you see it.”

“I know, I'm sorry.” He _was_ sorry that he ruined it. Olivier reached out to trace the ink on Daniel's hip, right where his name had been permanently etched. In the daylight, it couldn't have been clearer. “Why did you do it?”

Daniel's voice suddenly sounded different, a little wary. “Because I wanted to. You don't like it?”

Olivier looked at him, startled. “Oh, I love it. But you didn't have to do that. You don't have to prove anything to me.”

“I didn't do it to prove anything to you. I did it for me. As proof that what we have is real.” Daniel said in a low voice, blushing. “I just wanted to show you so that you know that you'll always be with me. Whatever happens.”

Such a cliché, but at that moment a truly warm fuzzy feeling spread out inside Olivier. He stared at Daniel, unable to speak, before breaking into the biggest smile ever. “You're such a sap, you know that?”

“Shut up, asshole.” Daniel was still blushing.

“Soooo romantic.”

“Okay, I'm breaking up with you.”

“Your new boyfriend won't like seeing my name there.”

“He won't see it, because I'm getting it lasered off. Tomorrow.”

Olivier couldn't stop smiling. He ran his finger over the skin, then leaned in and dropped a kiss right onto the ink. He heard Daniel gasp. He kissed the skin again and then moved up to press his mouth on Daniel's.

“Thank you,” Olivier whispered. “For loving me this much.”

Daniel's cheek went pink again. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“So am I the first?”

“The first?”

“First guy whose name is tattooed on you.” Olivier smirked. 

Daniel's rolled his eyes. "Yes, you're the first. I should have known you'd get all smug over it." 

Olivier grinned. “Not smug, just flattered. Maybe I'll get one in your name too.”

“Don't do it if you're going to regret -” But Olivier had shut him up with another kiss, and Daniel didn't seem to want to argue anymore. 

Neither did Olivier. They had said everything they needed to say. Now all he wanted to do what show Daniel how much he loved him.

 

 

 

 

**EPILOGUE**

“How many left?”

“Not much, plus the armchair. We should get the chair first and fit the boxes around it.”

Daniel dropped a box into the van as he spoke, and wiped his forehead with his sleeve. Summer didn't usually appear convincingly in London but this year they have had more than their share of hot, bright weather. He was sweating all over and his muscles ached from moving boxes around but today was the day he officially moved in with Olivier. It was also the weekend before he started his new job at a construction company just outside the city. He was energized, barely feeling any tiredness.

He followed Olivier back up the stairs to his tiny former apartment, shamelessly ogling his boyfriend's backside currently wrapped in a pair of black shorts. 

“Stop staring at my ass.” Olivier said without looking back. He sounded amused.

“But they're world class. They deserve attention.” Daniel ran up the stairs so he was right beside Olivier and pinched those world class features. Olivier yelped and tried to grab him but he dodged and ran off into the apartment, laughing. It didn't take long for Olivier to catch him inside the living room and pinch _his_ butt, before smacking a kiss on his lips.

“Naughty boy. I'll remember to punish you later.”

“I look forward to it.” Daniel smirked, happier than he had ever remembered being. He leaned forward and kissed Olivier again, inhaling Olivier's masculine scent and running a hand down his back towards those very luscious - 

“Gross! Santi, I need to bleach my eyes.”

Daniel stepped back from Olivier to find Olivier's assistant, Jack, standing in the apartment doorway. A pair of sunglasses sat on his face and two bottles of cold drinks were in his hands. His colleague Santi stood behind him, smiling awkwardly.

Olivier walked over to Jack and took the drinks from him before handing one to Daniel. Daniel took a long gulp, grateful. Jack was kind of brash but Daniel liked him. 

“Thank _you_ , Jack. Nice of you to show up when we're almost finished.” Olivier said, sarcastically.

Jack whipped off the sunglasses, shrugging at his boss. “I said I would be here, didn't I? You didn't specify a time. Besides, you would have been finished ages ago if you didn't stop every five minutes to make out.”

Olivier rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Now that you're here, can you help us move this chair to the van?”

So Jack and Santi helped them moved the chair, and then they took down the remaining boxes. Daniel looked around at the almost empty apartment, now only furnished with the landlord's furniture, satisfied that he had all his things with him. He never really cared for the place but he had some good memories here.

Jack popped back in. “Anything else? Better check that you got everything, the owners will just throw away things you leave behind.”

“If that includes those hideous Liverpool scarves, it's probably for the best.”

Daniel glared at his boyfriend. “You better not touch my Liverpool stuff or I will take a knife to your Arsenal kit.”

Olivier's expression mirrored his. “If you touch my Arsenal stuff, I will kick you out.”

“If you kick me out I'll set fire to your car.” 

“You wouldn't!” 

“Okay, I wouldn't. I'll just publish your nudes online.” Daniel waggled his eyebrows and Olivier groaned. 

“Remind me again why I asked you to move in with me.”

Jack looked back and forth between them, shaking his head. “This is very sweet and all, but I have things to do since it's the weekend so... can we go?”

They left Daniel's apartment after he had taken a last look around the place. He thanked Jack and Santi for their help and watched as they zoomed off in Jack's obnoxious Mercedes convertible. He then slipped into the driver's seat of the van that they had rented for the day, watching as Olivier moved into the passenger seat.

He felt giddy. He was on the brink of a new step in his life, only this was even more significant than when he had moved to London just over a year ago. Back then he was uncertain, insecure, leaping into a risky situation and praying he would be alright.

But now he knew that he would be.

“So. Ready to go home?” Olivier smiled, his eyes twinkling. A burst of happiness bloomed in Daniel's chest as he returned that gorgeous smile.

“Yes. Let's go home.”

And they drove towards their home and their future, together.

 

 


End file.
